Alan Hughes - Journalist Extraordinaire

Came in this morning to work to be shown an article in the Sun written by Ireland AM's, Alan Hughes, A Dublin Panto Guide, he gave quick review of the 4 main pantomimes going on in Dublin at the moment. So, not that I give a shit about what anyone says about our show, it's just that what I realised is this guy is the producer of the one in the tivoli and not only that, but he rates his own 10 out of 10 and all the other 7 out of ten, one of those being the Olympia one which only openned last night. He hadn't even seen it. His bloke is going down. I felt compelled to write a stern email to him and the Sun. This is what I wrote -

Dear the Star & Alan Hughes,

I just wanted to start by saying congratulations for the review on what Ireland has to offer in terms of pantomimes this Christmas. I found it insightful and a truly useful guide for anyone who is struggling over which panto to choose.
I particularly loved the very generous 7 out of 10 you gave the Olympia panto, which I haven't seen. Oh wait, no one has seen it because it had its first show last night. Alan, I applaud your psychic skills and if I ever want to become a producer in the future, I'll just come to you before rehearsals start and you can give me your 'out of 10' rating and I can tell whether or not to go ahead with production.
I also loved the 8 out of 10 you gave the Helix panto, the two points were dropped for the lack of a star, and that it was more of a musical, if only that low budget, independent production had the cash to afford a talented star that has the calibre and charisma of Brian from Big Brother. If only.
And Alan, you gave your own show 10 out of 10, how can you show your face in public, the embarrassment is so massive and not only that but you
put down the competition, oh my god.
And when I think of The Star newspaper, if ever your rag had any more integrity, it is now. 'Let’s do an article on the Dublin City pantos and let’s ask Alan Hughes to write it. Did you not know that he was invested in one of the shows? Did you not wonder why he gave his own show 10 out of 10? Did you not realise that he was reviewing a show that hadn't opened yet? Did anyone even read this amazing piece of journalism? I doubt it, well, I really do, I really hope so anyway.
I am treble morto for you, lads, treble. I had to write to you after reading it. Please, write back some sort of a reaction to my email, I really want to know your side of the story but until then, the cast and crew of the Gaiety Panto laughs at you and that review and we will keep laughing about it until, I don't know, something a little more interesting happens.

Your Sincerely

Jack Olohan AKA the Back of Daisy the Cow & the Giant

But do you know what is so morto for me, I sent it to The Star instead of The Sun, quatro morto for me, fuck, I'll send it onto Sun now. Shit, now , I have to send an email of apology to The Star. . . . . Wait a minute, the star are a bunch of cunts as well, so fuck that . . . . but still Mortification City, USA for me.

Anyway, does anyone have any chuns?