Stability

Nice, confirmed my next gig which starts at the end of April, the Gaiety School of Acting gradational Show, sweet, that will take me up to about the 20th of June, then I will hopefully start the drama teaching course at the beginning of August, and that is 52 weeks long . . . . . that means I'm good . . . until August 2011. . . . I know what I'm gonna be doing until August 2011. . . . . Jesus, that is so fucking weird, my life hasn't been so laid out and organised in ages. Not since school anyway. Jesus, August 2011.

I have been fucking around in this free lance shite for so long now, that I have forgotten how it feels to know what I'm doing for more than 2 months at a time. I hate it so much. Not knowing whether I'm gonna be broke or loaded for any given year. You are so up and down it is unreal. You are like a financial yo-yo. You can never make any solid plans in your future because, number 1, you never know if your gonna be working at the time or not, number 2, you never know if your gonna have the money or not. I'm sick of it.

For years, I turned my nose up at full time work, the idea of tying myself to a job, like, forever. I loved the way I was able to make my way in theatre, jumping from stage management job to stage management job to the occasional acting job to the next stage management job. I'm so sick of it, it's not even funny. I need stability for a while. I need to know exactly what I will be doing and when I'm doing it from now on because the other way is driving me insane.

I used to love the theatre business, I grew up in it. My folks being actors, I was dragged in and out of every theatre in Dublin since I was child. I went to see production, sat in on rehearsal and went to parties right through my youth, loving it.

I remember when I hit about 4th year in school, the time when you actually start to think seriously about what the fuck you were gonna do when you left school. All of a sudden there was class on your curriculum called careers and I remember thinking to myself, theatre is the only thing for me, theatre or film. I went to study film in Ballyers, realised that the course was horse-shit and that I now had a diploma in renting DVDs. I didn't go near film, I went straight into theatre.

I got into stage management for some reason unbeknownst to myself, I must of thought that 'being in the business, is better than not being in the business' which is a load of my arse. If I really think about it, not much has changed since that year. I'm still farting around with the same jobs as I was 7 years ago. If I had said to myself that I'd be still doing this same shit when I was 29, I would have stitched myself a loaf.