Bet of the Week - Get on this Bad Boi

Okay, Readers, I know you must be thinking 'The last person I'm going to take betting advice off is that fucking ejjit who writes that blog.' but have no fear, I am as confident as a cunt on this one.

'What is it?' you are probably asking. 'What genre of betting are you talking about?' 'Is it football?' 'Is it horse racing?' 'Is it virtual dogs?' No, it is none of these. It is this weekends Oscar’s ceremony.

It is two bets.

The First - A guaranteed win

The Second - A little bit more risqué

Bet Number 1 is just over 3/1 with Paddy Power, it is a 5 way accumulator -

Best Picture - Avatar
Best Director - Katharine Bigalow (Hurt Locker)
Best Actor - Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Bastards)
Best Supporting Actress - Monique (Precious)

Now that is a safe ass bet and let me tell you why.

First off, Avatar, yes, I know it’s not the favourite at the moment but this is just because Hurt Locker won Best Picture at the Baftas, before that it was the favourite. Also, we have to remember that Avatar is the highest grossing film of all time, beating Titanic by well over a billion dollars, it grossed 2.65 Billion worldwide. 2.65 Billion, that is a ridicules number and the American Film Academy (Oscar) will award it. They are famous for it. Who is the second highest grossing movie - Titanic, they weren't awarding it for its gripping storyline I can tell you, although I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say I really enjoyed Titanic. What is the third highest grossing movie? Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, the most successful trilogy of all time, beating Star Wars. All of these films were given the Best Picture Award. In other eras, Gone With The Wind (1939), Ben Her (1959), Lawrence of Arabia (1962), The Godfather (1972), Rocky (1976), Rain Man (1988). All of these movies were the top grossing movies of their eras and all won the Best Picture Award. So this is gonna take it hands down.

Best Director - Katharine Bigalow, James Cameron's ex-wife, I think is going to take it. The academy has never awarded the Best Director prize to a woman and they have always tried to keep that politically correct angle on everything so this is the year. I think they have been gagging to do this for years but they haven't had the opportunity since Sofia Coppala for Lost in Translation (2003) who was beaten by Peter Jackson for Lord of the Rings and before that it was back in 1993 with Jane Campion for The Piano who was beaten by Speilberg for Schindlers List. They will give it to Katharine Bigalow, she is the perfect female for them, her back log of films says it all - Near Dark, Point Break, Strange Days & K-19. And you know what, after all that, she directed an intelligent film which voices an opinion about today’s sociality and I think they also want to award it, but, of course, cant in the Best Picture.

Best Actor is a dead cert. Jeff Bridges, one of the most loved and respected actors in the world. It is his time. Who is in the category - Jeremy Renner (Hurt Locker), too young, the complete outsider. Morgan Freeman (Invictus), getting this nomination out of respect, the film was okay, easy to watch and to be honest his accent was as shaky as fuck, he won't win. George Clooney (Up In The Air), Won the Supporting Actor prize recently and this film is will be just like Juno, maybe one prize for Screenplay or something but nothing else. And then there is the biggest rival - Colin Firth (A Single Man), won the Bafta last week but he is English and I don't think he has the level of impact that Jeff Bridges has. Jeff Bridges, has been nominated on 4 other occasions and never won. He has a back log of work that spans back to the early 70s, He will take this award.

Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz, the only thing that is in that piece of shit of a film, he seems to be walking away with everything, in all countries. There is no real competition, maybe Christopher Plummer because of his backlog of work but not good enough in this situation. 100% win for Christoph!

Best Supporting Actress will go to stand up comedian, Monique, where she is doing anything but making you laugh in Precious. I saw it yesterday and it was quality, she is horrifying. She is a monster in it. She fuckin nailed it, the last scene was so good it’s not even funny, it won it for her. She has been, like Christoph Waltz, sweeping the Best Supporting Actress categories worldwide. There is also no competition, the 2 birds from Up In The Air were just not big enough performances, Penelope Cruz only recently won this award for Vicki Christina and the film she is nominated for wasn't received that well and then there is Maggie Gyllenhaal, well, to tell you the truth, she can just fuck off with herself!

Now that is the dead cert of a bet

Bet Number 2 is just a more risky version of the last. It consists of adding the dreaded Best Actress category to the Accumulator which in my opinion could go any way. Fist off, you have the option of Sandra Bullock, the favourite . . . yes, you heard me correctly, the favourite, for the Blind Side. She won the Golden Globe for this but that has been about it. The film is not out here yet but is supposed to be amazing but I can see her winning. She is at 8/13. The second favourite is the academy's golden girl, Meryl Streep at 7/4 for Julia & Julia, she portrays culinary expert, Julia Child. Supposedly the performance is hilarious and, you know what, you can never write off Meryl, she has been nominated 16 times and only won 2 of them, the last one being back in 1982 for Sophie’s Choice so she is due one. Third is 24 year old, Carey Mulligan for An Education who took the Bafta last week but, again like Colin Firth, she is English and An Education wasn't well nominated but at 8/1, I think is a good bet and would bump that accumulator up nicely. But my pick of this bunch is, from Precious, Gabourey Sidibe who is 12/1. She blew my mind in that film, the scene when she is crying to the teacher about her kids and the fact that no one loves her. It fucking killed me. Amazing! Maybe that is me betting with my heart and not my head but I'll be rooting for Gaby all the way. Then there is the complete outsider, Helen Mirren who I reckon hasn't got a hope at 33/1.

Anyway guys go forth and stick a couple of squid on those 2 bad boys and let’s hope it will be a happy Christmas for all of us.

And just one more thing, why the fuck isn't the live show not on television anymore. RTE, you bunch of retards, get your shit together. You know you don't have to compete with Sky Movies with that shit. We are in Ireland, Just get your fucking shit together and maybe we can all watch the Oscars live in peace.