A Month's Apologies

My friends, it is time for me to kick straight back into my blog, a hundred thousands apologies for my month absence. I promise that from now on, I will stay true to it from now on. I will stay faithful on my crusade to talk shit to people who are bothered to read. I will not stop until my pointless opinions are shoved down as many throats as possible.

It's unbelievable how not having the internet is a nightmare for this sort of thing, well seeing that it is on the internet, you would think that wouldn't you but going out to find some freezing internet cafe is just not an option. As you probably know, if you've been reading this over the last while, that my life has been taken up by a pantomime with the most gruelling schedule known to man. Last November, I waved goodbye to friends and family and absorbed myself in a 2 show a day run that seemed to continue with no end in sight. And 'Ah' you must be saying 'Ah, but you found the time to write them when you were in December.' and this is very true. Back then we had the internet . . . . . yes, like every normal company, we had the internet . . . . . . Like a bunch of professional adults, we had a lovely wireless connection that kept everyone quiet and everyone happy but it was taken away from us. For the month of January, we were net free in work.

This all also co-insided with me moving house. Along with everything else in our house, the wireless had been cut off from lack of payment so back in my freezing house, not only was it as Baltic as a motherfucker but we had RTE and a very fuzzy TV3 to keep us company. The fuzzy TV3 made it look better.

When we moved in to our new place in Harold's Cross, of course, NTL needed 2 and half weeks to sort their shit out and hook us up. Some of the lads said that that was quick.

So here I am, back with a vengeance and ready give it the big boy shit!. . . . . . . .. . . . So . . . . . Well

Anyway here’s a little something I'm working on, tell me what you think, I heard this conversation on the way home and I just had to adapt it into some sort of script –

Int, Pub, daytime

Two men (Paddy & Sammy) sit at a bar with two half filled pints in front of them

Paddy
Do ye know what’s deadly film?

Sammy
What’s that?

Paddy
The Shawshank Redemption

Sammy
Deadly fuckin film, that is.

Paddy
Fuckin quality!

Sammy
Proper movie!

Paddy
Real Quality, it is.

Sammy
Did ye see they made a play of it?

Paddy
I think it was book, man.

Sammy
Yeah, but it was a play aswell

Paddy
I think it was a play before it was a film, was it.

Sammy
It must of been

Paddy
An Adaptation!

Sammy
The very word. Did ye see it there when it was on.

Paddy
What the play? No! I haven’t been to much theatre.


Sammy
Fuckin Quality, though.

Paddy
Was it good

Sammy
Your man was the image on your man, Andy, in it.

Paddy
Red

Sammy
No, Red is the Coloured fella

Paddy
Morgan

Sammy
Yeah, Andy is the fella who was played by your man

Paddy
And was it as good as the film?

Sammy
Ah no, but was the still good, same story like but, ye know they can do the same things

Paddy
Shawshank Redemption, and ye know, it was nominated for, like, 12 oscars and won fuck all of them

Sammy
None of them!

Paddy
None of them

Sammy
fuckin ejjits! Who they give te?

Paddy
They gave to that yoke

Sammy
What?

Paddy
That yoke. Borin piece a shit !

Sammy
What? Drivin Miss Daisy

Paddy
Ah, ye know it, fuckin shit it is

Sammy
What?

Paddy
What’s it called.

Sammy
Whose in it?

Paddy
Ah your man, whats his name?

Sammy
Who?

Paddy
What's his name, ah Jaysis.

Sammy
What was he in?

Paddy
Your man. He was the baddie in Silence of the Lambs?

Sammy
Your man, Anthony Hopkin?

Paddy
No, Ye know, the other fella.

Sammy
Your man who had all the birds down the well

Paddy
No, in the other one

Sammy
The other one?

Paddy
The third installment of it.

Samy
The third?

Paddy
Yeah, the third movie, well its actually the first one

Sammy
What do mean?

Paddy
It was the third one but was actually the first one, like what they did with Star Wars.

Sammy
Star Wars?

Paddy
Yeah, like the way they made the first ones, then they made the second ones years later but the second ones were actually the first ones

Sammy
Oh the prequals

Paddy
Yeah, the prequals, the exact word

Sammy
What about it?

Paddy
Well, the third silence of the lambs movie is the prequal to the first one

Sammy
Oh yeah, I seen that years ago, that film is a remake

Paddy
What?

Sammy
Yeah, they remade that movie from another movie made back in the 80s

Paddy
They remade it?

Sammy
Yeah, well, its pretty much the same film, except your man from CSI is in it.

Paddy
Your man from Forest Gump?

Sammy
No, your man who played Pat Garett in Young Guns 2.

Paddy
Who?

Sammy
Your man who shoots Emilo Estavez.

Paddy
Him!, who the fuck is he?

Sammy
He is one of these actors, he always turns up in shite. Its pretty good.

Paddy
What is? Young Guns 2 or the silence of the lambs film?

Sammy
The first Silence of the lambs film, the one that got remade, what was the name of it?

Paddy
Red Dragon

Sammy
No, No

Paddy
It is.

Sammy
No, the earlier one is called something different.

Paddy
Is it better than the new one.

Sammy
Yeah, but its real 80s, ye know

Paddy
There is one thing I don't get, right. Why do ye make film again if it grand the first time

Sammy
Like Charlie and the chocolate factory

Paddy
Exactly like Charlie and the chocolate factory, the original grand the way it is, Johnny Depp, ye must be jokin me,

Sammy
Like Psycho

Paddy
Did they remake Pyscho?

Sammy
Yeah, but in colour and your man from Old School is your man

Paddy
Why would anyone do something like da? Was it any good?

Sammy
Shite

Paddy
What fuckin shite bag thought it would be a good idea to remake that classic, and make it shite of all things

Sammy
Gus Van Sant

Paddy
Who?

Sammy
Gus Van Sant, the fella who made Good Will Hunting.

Paddy
Good Will Humpin

Sammy
Shaving Ryans Privates

Paddy
Saturday Night Beaver

Sammy
Romancing the bone

Paddy
Edward Penishands

Sammy
White men cant hump

Paddy
Schindler's fist

Sammy
When Harry ate Sally


Paddy
In Diana Jones and the temple of Poon

Sammy
Have ye seen that, have ye?

Paddy
What?

Sammy
The new Indiana Jones film?

Paddy
What, Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Skulls

Sammy
The Golden Skulls

Paddy
No, not yet

Sammy
Yeah, its just out on DVD

Paddy
Any use?

Sammy
Shite

Paddy
Is the little chinese fella in it but older

Sammy
Who?

Paddy
Ye know the little chinese fella with all the inventions

Sammy
Who?

Paddy
Remember, the little fella that used to hang around, 'Dr Jones, Dr. Jones.

Sammy
Oh yeah,

Paddy
Yeah, with all the inventions.

Sammy
Inventions?

Paddy
Yeah, he had all inventions, like the boxing mit under his coat, and the slick shoes.

Sammy
Slick shoes?

Paddy
Yeah, when all the lads are after them, when there goin across the log, he pulls the
sting and a load of oil comes out and they slip on it.

Sammy
I don't remember this

Paddy
What? Ye do.

Sammy
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, the little chinese fella?

Paddy
Yeah!

Sammy
I don't remember inventions, man

Paddy
Ah ye do,

Sammy
Oh, I think your talkin about that this with the kids

Paddy
Wha?

Sammy
The one with the kids.

Paddy
Kids?

Sammy
Remember, the own with the Fertelli’s are after them

Paddy
The Fertelli’s?

Sammy
Yeah, at the start of the film, the oul’one breaks them out of prison



Any ideas?