A Brit Of A Laugh

I have been flicking back and forth from the Champions League to the Brit Awards and I've. . . . . . , okay, why am I bullshiting, Tara really wants to see the Brits so I am really only seeing the united match at the ad breaks so I'm pretty much just watching the Brit awards, actually I don't even get to see the match at the ad breaks because when we flick over, she keeps flicking back to see if the ad break is over so the Brit Awards it is.

Anyway, when we made the dicision that it was going to be the Brits for the night, I was resigned to the fact that I was going to be biting my fist for the duration of the procedings but I have been pleasantly surprised, believe it or not I am quite enjoying it. I have been consistantly busting my balls laughing at all the fuck ups left, right and centre. Jesus, will these celebrities ever stop trying to tell jokes, no one is laughing, no one is laughing and I have to say I've been totally blown away by some of the live performances, Florence & The Machines' performance with Dizzy Rascal was savage, even though Dizzy wrecks my head and Kasabian were fucking amazing as per usual, Jay Z and Alica Keys were quality aswell, and I'd usually hate those kind of performances and, of course, the host, Peter Kay is ripping everyone to pieces. He openingly called Liam Gallagher a knob for throwing his Brit Award into the crowd - Legend

But one thing that has happen tonight and it is something that has been wrecking my head for quite a while now and it is the massive question that is Lady Ga Ga, I have been trying to answer this question since this mad thing came out. What is everybody going on about? What do they see that I don't see? But her performance was the performance of the night. First off, she dressed as this kind of ice queen, kind of like the evil demon bird at the end of Ghostbusters. Anyway, she breaks into this slow piano solo number followed by this really fucked up, industrial, mad shit where she stands up to a massive electric chello with a drum machine attached to it. It was fucking quality, I'm sure it'll be up on youtube by now so check it out, I'm not mad on the stuff that she puts out but the performance was like Bjork or something. I finally see what all of the fuss is about, she is fuckin nuts.

But do you know what was so amazing, after the performance, Fern Cotton asks Geri Halliwell 'Well, Geri, that was pretty mesmorising, wasn't it?' The camera goes to Geri, 'Well, to be perfectly honest, I would of liked something that I knew.' . . . . . . . . . . Geri, you are a dickhead, you are a dickhead, you haven't a clue, you are a brain dead sap, you are unbelieviable . . . . . . . and later on she windes up presenting an award for best new comer or something and she comes out with 'Well, it's a funny thing that I'm presenting this award, it's the only award that the Spice Girl ever lost and we lost to Kula Shaker, and where are they now?' . . . . . Okay, a cheap dig at a formerly good band that were better than you then and are certainly better than you now whether they are still together or not. My final word on this is Geri - 'Shut up, will ye'

But what I'm noticing as I watch Robbie Williams receiving a 'lifetime achievement award', the cunt is 36, lifetime achievement, give me a break. But what I am noticing as the show comes to an end, everyone is on a sessioning the fuck out of it. Half the people being interviewed are locked off there tits, you rarely see celebrities openly madge out of it in interviews, anyways, we are now on our way over to ITV2 for the after show gossip, I can't wait. . . . . emmmmm, if someone sees me over the next couple of days, would you do me a favour, put me out of my misery and shoot me in the face.