A lot of people have approached me since starting this blog with the idea, that in order for me to keep it going, there are a couple of things that I just can’t talk about or go into
‘Like what?’ I’d say
‘Like Drugs.’
‘Well, my friend, I disagree. Wholeheartedly!’
The whole point is that you are being as truthful with yourself as possible in the most public way possible and not to think about the fact that colleagues and relations could be reading it. Why would I bother sitting here, writing away, leaving out important details of every story just because people who read it might not approve.
That is why my topic today is cocaine.
Cocaine. Wow, I feel so bold and naughty just writing the word. Cocaine, holy shit, I feel like I’m on coke just saying it. The balls on me, wow, check me out, fair play to me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I’m an idiot.
But anyway, I’ve never really been mad into my coke, I never really had the bank roll to possibly sustain a regular use of it but every once in a while, on a special occasion - someone’s birthday, Trinity Ball, the last night of a show, whatever – me and some mate would go halves on a tasty ton bag and into it we would go throughout the night and probably by the end of it, we would be wondering what the fuck did we just spend a hundred euro on. It’s just too dear for the regular Joe soap. But do not fret, all you coke lovers that have suddenly found yourself on the dole, the answer is here.
I don’t know what genius is responsible for this revelation but you can now buy coke out of shops - LEGALLY. I can’t go into who and where because I don’t know them and also I don’t want to fuck it up for the lads who are doing it, but these lads, using only herbal and legal substances, have come up with a menu different types of substitute coke. I swear to fuck and I know, I know what you might be thinking but, trust me, I was the same. I hated those herbal party pill things. All they did was just agitated the hell out of me and keep me awake for what seemed like a week. But there we were me and a couple of people passing this shop. Stop, look and we head in to see if the rumours were true.
We are greeted by an extremely polite and knowledgeable gent with gigantic dreadlocks
‘Hi Guys, How can I help you?’ He asks
After taking a quick gander at quite a long menu. ‘Yeah, I’ll have half a gram of Blow, please, my dear man.
‘A fine choice, sir, how would one like it packaged?
‘A cellophane bag, would be sufficient’
‘That will be twenty euro’
And off we went on our travels. Now, sceptic that I am, I was not expecting much, to be perfectly honest I was expecting pretty much exactly what I got off those herbal yokes. Shite!
Later that night, we were out having a lot of crack, and when I say a lot, I mean gargling it up to the fucking max, when it just dawned on me. I have that half gram of shit in my pocket from earlier. Up I went to give it a try. Whap, it went up the right nostril and off I headed back down to join everyone . . . . . . . let me tell you, it was savage. Not only that, it was better than any other illegal stuff I’ve ever tried in the Ireland. Which now that I think of it, isn’t that hard but still whoop ouwa that. Who’s having the crack, Jacko’s havin the crack?
But as it was with those dodgy herbal pills and as it was with the mushrooms, it’s just a matter of time in this country, word will get back to some government official, and even though it hasn’t affected anyone’s health or even that it isn’t causing unsavoury behaviour, they will pass some law that it will become illegal. What is the crack? When are our government going to realise that all we want to do is put each other in inebriated states and not just in an alcoholic fashion.
Get your fuckin shit together, lads, and if you don’t know how to. Get a bit of that into you – Sniff!
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