Bathe Me It

The greatest sporting competition has begun, fuck sporting actually, one of the greatest events in the world has begun and I cannot wait to delve into some serious ball play over the next 48 hours. I am going to suck this up with a vuvuzela. I am going to loose a fortune. I got paid on Thursday and when I say I am going to tear my wages a new one, I mean it.

It is looking good betting wise so far. In an accumulator, I had Mexico - South Africa to draw and France - Uruguay to draw, so I have the 2 difficult ones out of the way. All I need now is Argentina to beat Nigeria, Germany to beat Australia, Italy to beat Paraguay and Cameroon to beat Japan. It isn't over by a long shot but it was those draws that were the up in the air results. Argentina, I know, will make me sweat tonight against Nigeria and that Cameroon match is freaking the shit out of me.

I also did one of these World Cup Swoops with 7 other lads, everyone sticks 20 yo yos in and you get to pick 4 teams. 2 deadly teams and 2 dodgy teams with a prize for the winner and a smaller one to the guy who has the worst team. So the whole idea is not to hit middle of the road teams. You are looking for sheer quality or absolute shittness, that is the game plan and I couldn't have hit more middle of the road if I tried. I am the white line in the middle of the road outside my gaf. I drew -

Holland
Serbia
Japan
Honduras

Okay, we all know that Holland had a great qualification with maximum points and only letting in 2 goals in the whole group but all they had to worry about in that bad boy was Norway, Scotland, Macedonia & Iceland. They would want to be winning that group handsomely, in fairness. I can see them getting to the quarters where, if they top their group and so do Brazil, they will meet and when that happens, let me tell you, they will be sucking on bong on the banks of a canal in Amsterdam before they know it.

Serbia, yeah, they were the team who topped the group with France in it but they don't stand a chance. They have a bitch of a group with Germany, who I think are dark horses in the competition. Nobody is looking at them, every player in that squad is playing in the Bundesliga. They will be a very organised and hard to beat. You also have Ghana, an African nation, they are missing Essien, yeah, but as we saw last night, the African teams are so up for it and as for the Soccaroos, well, they proved to be no push overs in 2006.

So that top prize is not looking too good for Jack and when you look at the other end of the spectrum, it is looking as grim. My teams are too good.

Japan are in a tough group but not tough enough, they will come last to Holland, Denmark & Cameroon but I need a few whippings to happen. It is the same with Honduras. Yes, Spain will probably kick 3 colours of shit out of them but chances are they will play a weakened team and I can see them maybe getting a draw or something off the excitement that is Chile or Switzerland. I had my eye on North Korea or New Zealand, that will be fun to watch. I don’t want to be patronizing but North Korea, pooooor North Korea. Ah well, come on the accumulator.

I also did this thing with Boyles Sport where if you make a fiver bet, you get to enter into this free competition where you have to guess how the World Cup is going to transpire, like, you have to pick the winner of each group, the runner up of each group, second round winners, quarters, semis, final, and winner. You nail it; you get a million squid. . . . . I did 2 of them and I'm taking it fucking home. You are currently reading the words of a millionaire, get in out of that, I'm already spending the money.