Throwing My First Poker Night

I am about to use my blog to hopefully promote my poker night in the Shaw which is tomorrow night, it will be the first monthly (Hopefully) Cash Money Poker tournament at the Bernard Shaw and it starts at 8pm. It is 20 euro buy-in with rebuys for the first hour and the cash prize will be awarded 1st, 2nd, 3rd & 4th place.

If you are at loss as to where the Bernard Shaw is, do not fret, I am about to give the worlds greatest directions.

- If you are coming from south of the Grand Canal, head towards the Portobello Bridge (which is the bridge at the end of Rathmines), head over it and the Bernard Shaw is about 300 metres on the right.

- If you are heading from town or the terrifying place that is north Dublin just head up Camden St. towards the Bleeding Horse, now, if your walking just stroll past the Bleeding Horse on your left and keep walking for approx. maybe 260 metres and you will find the Shaw on your left, if you are driving, its a little bit of a pain in the arse. Your gonna have to drive all the way around by the pod. When you get around dont take the left to Ranaligh (or however it supposed to be spelt), take the next one and the Shaw will be just there on the left. You can park on the street on the right.

Sorted now your here, lets play some fucking poker and swig back some 3 euro pints, which will be in place for the duration of the tourney, but for all those people who i gave driving directions too, i'm afraid this part is not for you, ah fuck it, I have to say that, but I really don't give a shit, drink as much as you like, Ill hand you the keys as you leaving.

And of course, for those people who are quite fond of eating, get ready because I will stuff you, its gonna get tasty, believe me.

But the bottom line is, the poker should be sweet as a nut so, if your into it, hope to see you there with bells hanging off you.

My Heartfelt Apology To All

My sincere apology to all of the millions that regularly log on to this blog and read my sappy self-important bullshit but I have been up to my tits for the last week and a half with work. Yes, work. Yes, work. For the first time in about a 2 and a half years I am up to my tits with work. I only realised this a couple of days ago and it dawned on me, holy shit I have done a hard weeks work in years. Yeah, I had a few jobs here and there, two week gig here, five week gig there, a three week stint doing the 98 fm fugitive, a year on an ecocab and a very brief television delivery scene to Molloys pub but other than that I have been pretty much been taking it handy since my last Gaiety panto, Mother Goose, which was pretty much the biggest session I have ever been on in my life so what am I letting myself in for with this one. Will it be the same? Let’s hope not but, anyway, this is the reason why I have been slacking on my blogging the fuck out of it.

But it is weird, I have been seriously taking the piss for that long, when I finished panto in February 07, I pretty much moved, with 4 mates, into the biggest session gaf imaginable in Rathmines and let me tell you, to put it lightly, we got fucked. I worked briefly with the Gaiety School of Acting and did a two week show in the theatre festival but other than that I was on the dole between March 07 to October 07. Literally, room-mates came home from work on Friday and we would go till early Monday morning. I used to think to myself, Jesus, will I ever get tired of partying and enjoying myself so much? And the answer is NO! I am loving it. Over the last five years getting mouldy, I have pretty much met some of the best people that Dublin has to offer. I hang around with some of the wittiest cunts I am ever likely to meet in this town so why would I change that. Would you?

I eventually moved out of that borderline crack to an apartment on the Aston Quay with my bird and my mate and it was business as usual, partying every fucking weekend but this time I found myself on an ecocab three times a week along with the dole for a couple more months or more like a year. This continued on and on until now. I haven't done a hard days work in all that time. Until now

And here I am, I am 28, and I just did the hardest week and a half of work in two and a half years. Somebody give me a pat on the back. Fair play to me, Fair play to Jack - What a fuckin legend. Oh my god, I am so happy to be me

By the way, the blog will be back as usual from now on, I am back, back with a vengeance but is there anyone reading this shit, I really don't so . . . . Who cares? Let’s get high!

How To Get Rid Of A Cold In Twelve Hours

Its fuckin bullshit, as my day went on yesterday my hangover slowly turned into a full scale cold, fuckin typical. As I was on my way to Greg's to record the podcast, my nose was bunged up like a motherfucker, my knees were all weak and I was coughing up some lovely green shit which can only be a nice viral infection to keep me company over my Halloween weekend. It must of been me sitting outside Pygmalion all night, smoking in a fucking t-shirt. I am such a sap.

Not only does this wreck my weekend in the sense that I have to put up with a cold, it also drags me right back to the drawing board in terms of my costume. Tonight I was going to wear a toga, which is pretty much out the window and tomorrow, I was going to just wear my boxers with a dressing gown with a wig and go as The Dude. I had the cheapest costumes ready to go and I might as well bin them. Looks like I'm gonna have to rock Dog The Bounty Hunter again or . . . . I could get rid of it, the cold I mean. Is it possible for me to get rid of this thing in twelve hours so that that come Saturday I'll have a fresh face, smiling, ready to session the fuck out of it? Well this is the challenge I have handed myself last night and I am going to continue until Supafast tonight. I am going to pummel the fuck out of myself with as many pharmaceuticals as i can find.

Cold Devastation Kit

Uniflu Cold & Flu
Box of Nerofen plus
Box of Sudafed
Bottle of Ecinatia
Tub of Chewable Vitamin C tablets
Tub of Cod Liver Oil tablets
and some Evening primrose oil that I found in Tara's bedside locker.

I have to cough up everything into tissues, I am going to force this bastard out of my system if its the last thing I do because i refuse to be sick on Halloween. It is my favorite holiday of the year so by God and anyone who fancies reading this nonsense as my witness, I will get madge ovit and party my little arse off all weekend. See ya at the sesh!

Day 2 as a Blogger

Folks, it is day two in the life of my blog page, Jacking Off, and to tell you the truth I haven't stopped thinking about it, its weird, I have told everyone I have met about it.

- 'Oh yeah, guess what?

- What?

- I started a blog today

And every time I said it, the more I got excited. Strangely pathetic, but I don't give a shit. I got up this morning, hungover from my pub crawl last night, that nice hungover, the kind when your wrecked, in your gaff, with loads of food and you have fuck all to do with the day. You are not gonna move for anything. A morning & afternoon where all the major events consist of making an scrambled eggs, having a wank, making a cup of tea and maybe another wank for good measure.

And it starts, a weekend of sheer fucking madness. You always know your weekend is gonna be mental when it starts on Wednesday. What was I at getting locked last night, knowing I have tonight, Friday, Saturday & Sunday ahead of me. It's just impossible to run those pub crawls without drinking, even if it is a Wednesday. You are trying to interact with this group of Americans that are getting absolutely plastered, the only way of talking sense to them is to get in the same state as they're in. Locked

Gonna checkout that Noise night in Andrew's Lane tonight, myself and my mate, Aaron had never been in there as a club and last week we were just strolling by it on a Wednesday or something. We decided to pop our heads in and check it out. We had both worked there for years when it was a theatre and we thought it was probably going to be pretty much the same as it was back then. How wrong were we, Holy Shit, the place is fucking huge. They have completely gutted the place. We couldn't believe that we had never been here when it was like this. Its so mental, both of us just never got around going in. So defo gonna check that place out tonight and see if its any use. It could be a bit studenty, actually now that I think of it, I think its a student night so that could put me off. I'll see how I feel after the podcast tonight. Or should I say, I'll see how high I am after the podcast

Myself and my mate, Greg are on Week 9 of our fantasy football podcast on our site www.radiomade.ie and I think they are starting to pick up. We started off a bit shit, we were recording it in all these different places and I think that was throwing us off a bit but we have finally found our recording place, our studio - Greg's Bedroom. They are really starting to pick up which I am over the moon about because I thought the two of us were just running out of steam and that we were just going to eventually quit it. Thankfully those thoughts are long gone. I cant wait for this weeks podcast. I also cant wait for tomorrows blog, Jesus, I'm really getting into this shit. I wonder when the novelty wares off.

Do People Read Blogs

I have been telling my mates over the last year that I would love to some how keep a diary or maybe venture into journalism, write in some capacity, maybe for television or radio and they always say to me.

- 'Why don't you start a blog? I'd read it.'

And of course, in my head I'm like

- 'No one reads blogs, I don't read blogs, sure. So obviously no one reads blogs, why would I waste my time.'

- 'They do, I swear,'

There is nothing I would find more dull than browsing through other peoples blogs. I would say there is some serious horse shit out there. People who have no I idea of humor or any understanding of what is interesting what so ever. I have a feeling this blog game is going to be a fucking doddle. I'm going to try and stick to three blogs a week, really push myself, through myself into it, even if people aren't listening, which they aren't. See how it fairs after a couple of months, see what reaction I get back. If I get a reaction. I cannot believe that some complete stranger is going to take the time out of his or her day and read this shit. I will be shocked if somebody reads this. Which means if no one reads this, I'm talking to myself.

Anyway, if you are reading this, its my first go, come back in three days and I'll hopefully knock you on your bollix laughing with some brilliant anecdote that is so witty that you'll just have to come clicking back for more.

Until then I'm gonna get my think cap on about what I'm going to write about next, so catch ye later if your even there . . . . . . . . .there's no one there, is there . . . . . . . . . . . I knew it, ah well, see you in three days . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I could say anything doesn't matter . . . . . . . I like kiddy porn, it doesn't matter.