Rage are Number 1

'Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses'

Never was there a truer word spoken. If I had one thing that Santa could of brought down the chimney and placed rapped under the tree with a giant bow this Christmas it would be Mr. Simon Cowell, just to hear what he has to say about the fact that instead of Joe from X Factor rocking it at the top of this years Christmas singles charts, it is the slamming bass of Timmy C, crashing sound of Brad Wilk’s Drums, the perfection of Tom Morello’s guitar and the venomous rhymes of Zach De La Rocha. Probably one of the most important and influential band of the last twenty years, Rage Against The Machine.

Rumours are now circulating that he has now offered the lads who came up with the idea of getting Rage to No. 1 a job. This is proves how much of a cunt he really is. You missed the point completely Simon, completely. It wasn’t some piece of marketing genius, all it was, was a couple of people pissed off at what you have been doing. You, with a few others, have slowly raped the music industry to a point that it has come to this. There is a reason why Killing In The Name Of is the tune they picked to promote as the other option for Christmas Number 1 this year, it wasn’t because they wanted to revive a quality tune and re-market it or that they thought that this would be one of those great Christmas anthems that we all know and love, it’s because it is everything that you and your little Cliff Richard look-a-like are not.

I’m sure Simon Cowell is a lovely bloke, full of charisma and he is as charming as fuck but he is the personification of a cunt. If you look at his track record it will physically make you chill, it is that bad, there is nothing there with an ounce of artist merit what-so-ever and you know what, I love watching the X Factor, I love it and I love him on it, he cracks me up with the cuntification that come out of him. I have no qualms about saying I was rooting for Olly all the way and as for Jedward, I think I was the only one of my mates who loved them from the start but its all shit when you look at it seriously. I would occasionally feel a slight ting of guilt ever time I watched it but I still did but when I look at it past that show its self, I just want to break things.

'Believin' all the lies that they are tellin' ya
Buying all the products that they are selling ya
They say jump
Ya say how high
Ya brain dead
Ya gotta fuckin' bullet in your head

There is also a rumour going around that – Ah well, Epic Records, the record company that put out that song originally, are owned by Sony so, if you think about it, the fat cats won and my answer to that is NO! They didn’t. If people like Simon Cowell are watching this going on and not feel that what they are doing is shit, then they should be hung drawn and quartered, alarm bells have to be ringing. I would love to think that Simon Cowell and all the others were just going – ‘It’s just a business, we are in it just to make money.’ But I don’t think they do, I really think that they think what they are doing is amazing and that this is the best there is. And all the other conspiracy theories that the record companies organized this. What a load of my ball bag. They are not that clever. This, I believe, is a massive moment in commercial music. Look at the date. It will be the last number 1 of the Naughties.

The Naughties! What a laugh!, What a laugh! Yes, there has been some savage shit, But get the boat. That Strokes album got album of the decade, yeah, yeah, I think that album is quality, but get the Stenna, ye know. Let’s get our shit together, seriously. Look at all the other decades. I’m trying not to be one of these overly romantic nostalgic cunt but man, if you look at the rest of them, forget it. And, I know, people always say you have to wait until you’re out of it to realise how good it was. I’m sorry; I loved the nineties when I was in it. Nirvana, Rage, Prodigy, Oasis, Daft Punk, Happy Mondays, Blur, Pearl Jam, Supergrass, Soundgarden, Chemical Brothers, Orbital, Jamariqui (or what ever the right spelling is for that shit), Silverchair, well maybe not Silverchair, Radiohead, all of these bands had massive commercial success and they were fuckin savage, and they probably needed help with their balls, they were so big and they met the bar in terms of quality. You look at the eighties, seventies, sixties and fifties and it’s the same.

And I know pop music is supposed to be shit, wait, stop, hold on a second, no it isn’t. Nothing is supposed to be shit or half ass or badly written or badly sung or cheesy or whatever. There is no excuse. I don’t know why people get into it and not go ‘Let’s try and write something quality, instead of doing the usual bollix that we have been doing for years.’

I am just so happy that something like this has happened, hopefully this can be one of the things that can trigger the end of this Big Brother, Heat Magazine, celebrity loving, cuntish, balless little time, once and for all and maybe, just maybe, in twenty years time, we will look back on it as freaky time and maybe, it might be cool because cool is the fucking last thing it is, or was.

Whoever you are who did that facebook campaign - Fair Fucks To You