I Have To Hit The Showers

I really don't want to get talking about this with anyone, but I have to, it is irritating me so much to even think about it, but I have to get it off my chest. I feel a painful strain on my shins and my back as I'm writing this but what the fuck else can I blog about after tonight. It is a series of things really.

I need to get the fuck out of dodge as soon as I finish this course, that's if this course isn't on the chopping block on the December 4th. I need to get out of this shit hole for a while, I'm getting cabin fever. As the weeks go by I feel less and less association with this country and the cunts that are within it. Everything about the place just annoys me and I feel like I'm on a completely different page than the whole lot of it. The place is just boring the fucking arse off me. There is nothing exciting going on here and it's only going to get worse over the coming 4 years. I bored, I'm bored, I'm bored, and trust me, I've tried to entertain myself.

It's not just all the political fuck up's. To be perfectly honest, I don't care about it that much anymore. I knew they we crooked cunts years ago and I'm not surprised they fucked all that shit up. It was going to happen to the greedy pricks at some stage, it was only a matter of time. You knew just on the look of them, the physical look of them that they were dodgy. Did the people of Ireland not realize all this after 'shirt-gate' with Charlie? All these guys were young fella's in the party when all that shit was going on. By the look of them, I knew it; they looked like baddies and I felt that every time we voted them in. They looked like the type of dodgy idiots that were capable of all this. They looked like the cast of Dick Tracey for fuck sake.





Whose Who?

I don't get the whole attitude in the country, Dublin especially. I just watched an episode of Prime Time, getting the news that the country is going down the swany and after the show, being advertised, watch Fade Street, next Thursday. Are you serious, The Irish Hills, are you for real. I can’t wait, I truly cannot wait to see how those upper-middle class idiots get on in their fake MCD internships, I really cannot wait. Will they be late again, I wonder? How will that one with the black hair get over the fact she is going blow one of those Peter Mark hairdoed band members. 'You've got to pump it up. You have to pump it up', she certainly is. For real, are you messing with me or shall I stab myself in the eyes with my own knob now or later. And you know what, lads, Irish Television, it's only gonna get worse. You think that Irish Television is bad now, wait until the next budget. RTE see you later - you’re gone.

The Arts as well, you thought it was hard to get arts council funding for your theatre company in this country last year, well, you ain't seen nothing yet. You must be fucking joking. There was really good campaign in motion there for a few minutes, to help promote the importance of the arts in every aspect of society. That is pretty much nil-in-void now if you ask me and it is back to the drawing board. I suppose the Abbey Theatre will actually have to stick to their brief now. They will have to actually use Irish actors & directors in the national theatre, we won’t have the cash for the likes of Alan Rickman and Co. for the next 4 years, they'll all have to head to the Gate next year.



I saw a great interview there with author & historian, Tim Pat Coogan, and it really hit home how morto this whole thing is. We are a young country, an extremely young fucking country. The Republic was proclaimed less than a hundred years ago, The free state, where we started actually making important decisions about the running of the country began in 1922, under ninety years ago and the republic itself, only officially came into recognition in 1937 so we have, as a Republic, only been going for just over 70 years. Less than the average life time expectancy for people in this country. What a banana republic we have created in such a short space of time.



I often wonder what motivates people like revolutionaries and historical figures in their own time, to lay down your life like that, to make the ultimate sacrifice. Did they really mean all of it or was it just the cool thing to do back then. They didn't have tabloids or fashion industries or TV3 or any of that shit back then to tell them what to do, so, maybe, dying for your country was the going on 'X-Factor' of their time. Was Wolfe Tone the Mary Byrne of 1798? Was Robert Emmet's public execution the equivalent to Westlife turning on the Christmas lights in 1803? And were the Pearce Brothers, the Jedward of 1916? Who knows? To fight in open war on your doorstep, it seems . . . . harder, less craic. Thank god, I don't have to do that. Does anyone want a dab?

When I look around today, I don't see how we are even remotely related to these men and women. Any nationalism or republicanism I see these days is so forced and fake and ignorant, i.e. that idiot wearing a Celtic jersey, brandishing a sign stating 'No Foreign Games' outside Corker that time. I see people who go on about it all the time as complete charlatans and I see through their visad. I would actually put myself and my peers into the shoes of these historical heroes and truly ask myself and my fellow Irishmen the questions. Would we do that? Would we have the passion? Would we have the patriotism? Would we have the balls to do anything even remotely like that? or would we just rather get stoned and watch Fade Street again. Would we just simply say, 'Ah fuck this, I'm off to Copper's to get hammered and wear some nurse home as a hat.' I am truly terrified of the answers I may hear, I really am.



Getting back to my initial point. I need to get out of here for a while; I've been here for too long. I go to Berlin & London and I feel like I'm in an actual city. That there is a real buzz there, people are not naf. I talk to people I know in these cities and they are loving it. They feel like there is something going on there, there is a completely different buzz in the places. They don't miss Dublin that is for sure. The more I think about it, the naffer Dublin seems

My eye is on New York, I'm gonna jump on that year visa you can get from USIT and see you later, I’m off. My mate, Russell, just got back there. He said it took him a few weeks to get into it and as soon as he felt like he was settling, he had to come home sadly. It just seems like a completely different world to this. I'm gonna finish this course and I'm off. January 2012, I reckon. I'm gone



One last message to anyone political out there, who I would say are reading this in their droves, are you listening - get your fucking shit together and stop being so fucking conservative, open your mind to new ideas that might save us, you are all so fucking scared to try anything different that might help the economy - here are a few ideas that might actually help morale & the economy - just consider these, talk about them, see what they might do for the economy - Extend Pub Licensing - Extend Off Licence Hours - Legalise Weed, seriously consider it - and please cut that 'Cheque Cashing' payment from the Public Sector before I go on a killing spree up there.

To end on a positive note, that Irish performance against the All Blacks on Saturday was the first feeling of Irish pride I've had in ages - Fair fucks to you, lads

That's it I'm going to bed - I'm tired and so is he, below

I'm Not A Celebrity, Giv Me Some Mo

Okay, it has taken a week in bed with the worst man flu ever and watching the first week of 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' to get stuck into another blog, my first blog in the month of November. . . . and October. I have realized that this show is one of the greatest shows since 'The Grand Knockout Tournament' when comes to fucking up real celebrities.



Some how a group of producers have gotten a handful of quite well known celebrities this year, I will never know how. I know normally they are a group of nobodies and has-beens that I never know or never have much interest in but, this year, we have Linford Christie, Shaun Ryder, that politician, Lemptit, who rode a Cheeky Girl, that goofy bird from X Factor, Dom Joly and they just brought on that fat bird from Big Brother. You know, real celebrities. But the one who is standing out for me is that oul'one who sniffs through peoples shit for fibre on that sort of weight watchers show, Gillian whatser name.



Gillian is this frail, little vegan that keeps on getting picked for each task which, of course, involves eating all sorts of mad shit, swimming with baby crocodiles and eels & being bearded alive. This woman is about to have a nervous breakdown, it is amazing television. She has fainted twice, each time better than the last and I can’t wait for the next one. She keeps asking, 'Why do the public keep putting me up?' and I’m happy to give her an answer to that question.

You're being a cunt. Stop being a cunt and you'll see, the public will feel sympathy for you. You wont have to crawl through that pitch-dark tunnel of tarantulas, a task that can only end with you pissing yourself for my amusement. Trust me, they will give a tsk to Linford, he is starting act like a complete cunt so there is your way out. You don't have to even stop being a cunt, just stop talking and Linford will do the work for you.



How much are they paying these people? It must be a healthy amount because you would have to pay me a fortune to do any of that shit and then to put it on TV, fuck that. These people are elected politicians, professional comedians, live-broadcasters, decorated athletes, and music legends, you would think they would know better than a podgy twat from Dublin like me, who doesn't know his arse hole from his ear hole when it comes to making the right decision. They must be getting paid a fuck load.

The whole philosophy behind the show is amazing, it's phenomenal. We are no longer as a society putting celebrities on pedestals and looking up to them. We have turned them into clowns, dance, dance, dance, pig, dance. I used to always think this show was another self-indulgent show about celebrities, another wanky celebration of people who are famous, and how annoying they were. But no, this is different, this is amazing, this should be studied. This should be celebrated, I am so hooked, it unreal. Maybe it might have something to do with my man flu or the high doses of antibiotics & steroids I've been on for the last week but I'm going to watch this show every year now for the rest of time. 'Until the day comes where they have laid out in Marge's funeral home, and truck me off to Mount Almond.'